Sometimes, understanding people starts with realizing they are standing somewhere different from you.
Imagine two people standing on opposite sides of the same number. One sees a 6; the other sees a 9. Who is right?
I used to approach disagreements as if there had to be one correct answer. If I saw something one way and someone else saw it differently, my instinct was to figure out which perspective made more sense. Over time, I realized that we’re often not looking at different answers. We’re simply looking at the same thing from different positions.
Understanding My Own Perspective
One thing I’ve learned from constantly trying to understand myself is how much context shapes the way we think. The things we consider normal, obvious, important, or even reasonable are influenced by our experiences. Once I became more aware of that in myself, it became easier to recognize it in other people too.
Instead of immediately thinking, “That doesn’t make sense,” I became more likely to ask, “What am I missing?”
It’s a small difference, but it changes the way you approach people. Curiosity leaves room for information you might not have yet.
We Don’t All Grow Up the Same Way
Travel made this even more obvious to me. The more places I visited and the more people I met, the more I noticed how differently people can experience the same world.
We grow up in different families, cultures, environments, and circumstances. We’re taught different things and carry different experiences with us. Naturally, we develop different ways of communicating, making decisions, solving problems, and interpreting situations.
What feels completely normal to one person might feel strange to another. What one person considers respectful might be interpreted differently by someone else. What seems obvious to me might not be obvious to you at all.
That doesn’t automatically make either person wrong. Sometimes, we simply started from different places.
The Other Side of the Number
That’s what I like about the 6 and 9 example. If I’m standing on one side, I see a 6. If you’re standing on the other, you see a 9.
From where I’m standing, my answer makes perfect sense. From where you’re standing, yours does too. The interesting part happens when one of us walks around the number. Suddenly, I can see what you were seeing all along.
I don’t necessarily have to agree with you. Understanding someone doesn’t mean agreeing with them. It simply means being willing to understand how they arrived at their conclusion before deciding what I think about it.
That distinction has become increasingly important to me.
Seeing People Differently
I’ve become less interested in asking, “Why would someone do that?” and more interested in asking, “What information or perspective do they have that I don’t?”
Maybe there’s context I’m missing. Maybe their previous experiences taught them something different. Maybe we define the same thing differently. Or maybe they noticed something I completely overlooked.
Of course, sometimes people really are wrong. Sometimes I am too. The 6 and 9 theory isn’t about pretending every opinion is equally correct. It’s about resisting the temptation to make conclusions before understanding the full picture.
Sometimes walking to the other side confirms what I already thought. Other times, it changes my mind. Both are useful.
Maybe Neither of Us Is Wrong
I don’t think growth means becoming better at proving that you’re right. Sometimes it means becoming comfortable enough with your own perspective that you can genuinely examine someone else’s.
I might see a 6. You might see a 9. From where we’re standing, both answers can make perfect sense.
The goal isn’t always to convince the other person to come to our side. Sometimes, it’s simply worth walking around the number.
Because the more perspectives I understand, the less likely I am to assume that the view from where I’m standing is the entire picture.